Summoner: Prepare for the deliverance of gratitude!

It is hard to believe that a year has already come to pass since your last holiscapades, and in this moment you take some time to reflect on the Thanksgiving of 2011. You’d spent easily a week planning the proper banquet for your closest comrades; your moirail, matesprits, potentially your master, and, of course, your son. It had taken some extra hitjobs on the side to scrape up the dough for that kind of holiday bunanza, but you’d managed to pull it off spectatucularly.

Your prize? A belly full of sweets, a body full of sleepy, and a son full of smiles. And this year you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to make Thanksgiving of 2012 even bigger, better, and more family-er than ever bef — what are you doing.

Summoner.

Summoner.

Summoner Andelero Tigarano, you get your ass off that couch right now.

veryterribullmonster:

wHAT IF, 

i JUST RAN AWAY TO hAWAII, 

aND BECAME A FIRE DANCER?

i WOULD MAKE A REAL FIRE DANCER OUT OF YOU,

bY CHASING YOU BACK TO vIRGINIA, wITH pYRALSPITE AT YOUR HEELS,

shickhard:

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

  1. Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.
  2. Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)
  3. Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: This will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 
  4. Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 
  5. As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 
  6. Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 
  7. Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 
219,385 plays

clover-says-boo:

“An easy way for Homestuck fans to instantly become sad”

Recorded this into a single audio file after seeing this post and listening to it 7 times straight - http://artisticazurite.tumblr.com/post/33677165478

i THINK i’VE FOUND MY hALLOWEEN COSTUME,

bE PREPARED,

veryterribullmonster:

elrebullde:

iF ANYONE GIVES YOU SHIT FOR HAVING A METAL ARM, bE SURE TO SHARPEN IT UPON THE NEAREST ROUGH SURFACE, aND STAB THEM SQUARELY IN THE JAW WITH IT,

sEE HOW FUNNY PROSTHETICS ARE WHEN THEY’RE SHOVING YOUR TEETH INTO YOUR FACE,

o-oH,

oH MY,

pAPA i DON’T THINK THAT’S HOW YOU HANDLE SUCH THINGS, 

nONSENSE,

tHAT’S HOW i’VE ALWAYS HANDLED PEOPLE BULLYING UP ON ME,

aND IT HAS WORKED JUST AS WELL FOR YOUR OLD MAN,

Sup maaaan. So yeah. The Grand Highblood is pretty hot, am I right?
Anonymous

nO, hE’S ACTUALLY VERY COLD,

iT’S LIKE STICKING MY DICK IN A BUCKET OF ICE,

do you hate your baby daddy?
Anonymous

mY, bABY DADDY,

i WAS NOT AWARE i HAD BEEN IMPREGNATED,

aRE YOU REFERRING TO MY FIANCE, gAMZEE,

iN WHICH CASE THE ANSWER WOULD CERTAINLY BE A NO,

oR DO YOU MEAN MY MATESPRIT(?), tHE hIGHBLOOD,

tO WHICH THE ANSWER IS,

nOT ANYMORE,

veryterribullmonster:

elrebullde:

fINALLY GOT THE NEW ARM INSTALLED, dID YOU,

i WILL DEFINITELY MAKE A POINT TO FLY BY, aND CHECK IT OUT,

hOW IS IT HANDLING, fOR YOU,

iT’S ALRIGHT, 

oF COURSE NOT BETTER THAN MY PRECIOUS LIMB BUT STILL VERY HANDY DANDY WORK, 

i’M TAKING IT OUT IN PUBLIC FOR THE FIRST TIME TOMORROW, pOSSIBULLY, wISH ME LUCK, 

iF ANYONE GIVES YOU SHIT FOR HAVING A METAL ARM, bE SURE TO SHARPEN IT UPON THE NEAREST ROUGH SURFACE, aND STAB THEM SQUARELY IN THE JAW WITH IT,

sEE HOW FUNNY PROSTHETICS ARE WHEN THEY’RE SHOVING YOUR TEETH INTO YOUR FACE,